And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
