I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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