I hate your face
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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