She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
