I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
