My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
