So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I want a musical about memes.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
