so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
