i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
