i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
