the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize