rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
