Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize