I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize