he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
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