My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
