I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I am available for nakedness
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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