He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
