A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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