he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
