Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
