Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
