Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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