Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
