enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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