A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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