Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
