There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
