I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize