This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Bang-toberfest begins!!
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
