FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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