I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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