it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
