I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
