I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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