Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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