i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Farmville is her only friend.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
