I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
