I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
