meet me or not, i'm out of control
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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