what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
