I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
