Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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