So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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