Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
