I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
