Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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