My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
