Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
