she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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