THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
