who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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