Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
