Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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