he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
