She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
