i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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