Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
