Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
