what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
