This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
