nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
