How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize