I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize