You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Randomize
