the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Watching her eat just hurts me
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Randomize
