I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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