1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
