I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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