All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
My penis needs a shock collar
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
