Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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