if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
