im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize