worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
