No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
