I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
