Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
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