Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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