Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
