It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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